Trust is easily broken, hard to get back. Human nature does not want us to trust ever. It is a safeguard to keep from getting hurt. That is no way to live, we have to understand that trust belongs to God first, and from there we love, live, and then overall wellness comes.
We are preached to constantly about “Letting go, and letting God.” Being grateful every day, showing love and being positive. It is all true, but this flesh……Human experience is REAL……& there is not a guide for instructions to cheat. God is true and faithful. I had to be reminded by the Holy Spirit that I was trusting in myself and other people before God. I have to learn to trust God, my Lord, and savior. I say to myself “how many times do I need to be reminded of what I already know!!” That is because everyday is new and sometimes the trial is different and the enemy uses a new formula. However, God is the same, trusting him to handle it does not change because the circumstances changed or has gotten a little/lot harder.
THIS PAST YEAR……………
I do not believe in writer’s block. I believe for myself; when the words come as God places them in my heart, then it is time to write. I keep a pen, paper, and I utilize my voice memos. Writing is truly my passion, but not just writing random stuff. I believe my story—the story of others and the real life struggles are to be written and shared. Shared because people who do not realized they have a voice in life yet needs that story of perseverance and endurance. It becomes inspiring and we save lives. The people in the Bible lived thousands of years ago, however, when you study the word you will find your struggle in one of these many people of the Bible. Within that story it is a solution; a solution on how we win every single time. How the enemy hates us, but through our faith we overcome. Every way possible we have to fight and stand firm. Jesus has overcome this world. You win.
My last blog post was June 2016. I have written here and there and posting to social media. I also have been working on some small projects.
Somewhere within that year, I lost hope in my dream. Well…not hope as much as questioning if this was really what I was supposed to be doing. I was not nurturing it ( my writing) at all. However, I never stopped desiring it. I looked around at everyone else achieving their dreams, and I was truly inspired. I have it in the palm of my hands, and I asked God to help me where I stand. Then I find myself asking him if I was in over my head? Was this really what I should be doing? I even entertained the thought of finding anything else to have passion about, because maybe this is what I want, but not what I should be doing.
Then I said it. I am not passionate about anything else. Nothing. Why couldn’t I have been a lawyer or engineer? LOL, I want to write. I not only want to write; I need to write. I desire my words in all my transparency to help bring awareness, love, health, wellness, inspiration, and so much more. It is all I want to do. Sharing my words is the foundation of a business I am developing. My brand is not just books and blogs…words open the door for many, many things. Words impact people lives.
During this past year, I didn’t have a word to share, and that frightened me. My faith began to be a little shaky as well. I had been hurt and disappointed by people I loved so much, including myself.
I wish I could say that I am above the temptation to sin. I wish I could say that I hate fear and reject satan’s tempting voice all the time. I wish I could say that I always see the dangers of sinful rebellion and run in the other direction. Being authentic with my story; I have to admit I do not always say those things, and I doubt you can either. I nurse grudges sometimes because I like the self- righteous superiority. I snap and bark irritable words, enjoying the adrenalin rush….but judge me not. These are the times of my life when the Holy Spirit convicts me, and I know the next time I have to do better. I know that I am forgiven, and grace and mercy are blessings that we have new everyday.
Basically, I was driving myself crazy with not trusting or moving. I wondered “Where did that woman who was so inspired two years ago disappear too?” I miss her tenacity because I feel weak.
Wounded emotion and scars for me are the hardest to overcome. That is when I realized I have to trust God a lot more than what I was doing. I knew better, there was a part of me that still yearned to be able to have trust in human nature including myself to be and do the right thing all the time in every situation; most of all to not hurt other people.
SO…this year included a setback in a special relationship with my best friend. He was a man that changed the dynamic of my view for love, relationships and devotion, a man that even though it did not work I will always love in some fashion. It was a life lesson. The beautiful woman who raised me died and I was not even aware she was suffering or sick. I hadn’t seen her, and living my life I was always too busy for a phone call. Living as a single parent became overwhelming as my children are stepping into teen life and my oldest going to college.Work life was demanding, and I was tired. My health began to fail as my blood pressure was normal for 200/110. Loneliness was a frequent companion. Where was my inner happiness? My inner joy? I know better than all this negativity! I feel like I need to be isolated and retreat. We all feel that. <——Trick from the enemy!
I could easily say that 2016-17 could be the worst year ever. I do not believe that though. Despite all of the above annoyance; God remained faithful. His grace and mercy renew me every day, and he pours out his love, and I can receive that. It is hard to see sometimes.
I encourage you…whoever is reading this to join me with this season of trust. Trust God, trust yourself and battle satan with the truth of Gods word. I find myself stopping in the middle of the day, no matter where I am and praying for the strength to trust. I am still here to claim victory for the rest of my days; even when those seasons of darkness show up. God has good plans for me, and you. Reference Jeremiah 29:11.
It is not his desire to destroy us.
Love & Light